


You End My Recurring Nightmares

by beyondtherapy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Cute, Cute Ending, Established Relationship, Feels, Implied Relationships, Love, M/M, POV First Person, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-22
Updated: 2013-11-22
Packaged: 2018-01-02 07:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1054287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyondtherapy/pseuds/beyondtherapy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Since that day, I really didn’t know what to do.  The recurring nightmares of the titans and of Marco never left my mind."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You End My Recurring Nightmares

I told them that I wouldn’t let anyone else die because of me. But then it happened… he saved my life, but I couldn’t save his in return. After my maneuver gear malfunctioned and I struggled to remove the damaged gear from a fallen soldier, I couldn’t help but be thankful that he came to save me. Part of me wished that he didn’t though. I didn’t want to see him die in front of me, but seeing him die made me realize that I now have something greater to fight for.

After Eren had successfully covered the hole in the wall and we successfully reclaimed Trost, we still had a lot of work to do. Two hundred and seven dead or missing, and eight hundred and ninety-seven soldiers were wounded. While we did capture a victory against the titans, there was no way that we could be cheerful about it. I was helping look through the rubble and lining bodies for proper count and burial, of those that we could recognize, of course. Many were left nameless because it was impossible to tell who they were because of how mangled they became. It was gruesome—just a horrid sight. Ashes and debris filled the air as I pulled the cloth mask over my mouth, gazing back and forth and surveying the damage.

I suddenly stopped. There was a body leaned against the wall. Broken glass strewn over this blood figure. My eyes grew wide as I realized who it was. Why him? Why now? Such a terrible fate for someone that I held so close—was this what it was like to lose family? I was approached by a woman, her eyes glazed over and questioning if I knew the name of him. Of course I know his name, but my body was trembling so much and I couldn’t open my mouth to speak, and even if I had, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to form any words.

Closing my eyes for a moment, I found myself muttering after a few seconds, nervously lifting my hand to pull the gloves up my arm more, and turning away from the woman, who only stopped me to question again: “Do you know his name?” Her eyes were bloodshot, and she was unblinking. I turned my head back to the body and clenched my fists, stating, “104th Trainee Corps. Captain of Squad 19, Marco Bodt.” She monotonously thanked me, and told me to get back to work, but I couldn’t bear to at this point, knowing that he was gone.

I knew that I hadn’t seen him for a while. It was all my fault. He saved my life, but I couldn’t repay him. But at the same time… I can’t give up. His death won’t be in vain. That was the day that I was reborn. I could feel something in my head click. Up until then, I was so cocky, and even Marco knew it as well. Maybe this was how he could tell me to stop, to live for the sake of others instead of always worrying for myself, but at the same time, to live to stay alive.

Again. His death will not be in vain.

Opening my eyes, I quickly sat up in bed, breathing heavily and clenching my fists. Fuck… it was just a nightmare. “Yo, Jean, you okay?” the familiar, childish voice spoke up, causing me to turn my head and glance at Connie. I swiftly turned back away and muttered, “I’m fine,” under my breath, though it wasn’t made out very well because of how heavy my breathing was. Trying to calm myself down, I stared from the corner of my eye, watching Connie lay back down with a grumble about how I needed to stop being so loud. Loud? Was I…?

I halted my thoughts and reached my hand up, brushing an unexpected dampness on my cheeks. Rubbing them with the sleeves of my nightwear, I slowly laid back down, turning on my side, but keeping my eyes open and staring at the wall. I couldn’t get back to sleep at this point. Everything was so sudden and unfinished; I couldn’t just leave it as is.

Since that day, I really didn’t know what to do. The recurring nightmares of the titans and of Marco never left my mind. I needed to finish this. And that was my decision.

The sun soon rose, and when the other’s awakened, I wasn’t there. Granted, I might be killed by one of the squad leaders for leaving like I did, but this was something that I had to do. I needed to get this out of my system. It had been a few weeks, and the air seemed permanently stained with the smell of blood and ash. I pulled my cloth over my mouth and nose again—it was that same one that I had used when I found Marco. It wasn’t something that I could just get rid of, after all. Glancing down at my blazer, I quickly looked ahead again.

It was so quiet that I could hear each and every tap of my boots against the pathways. Closing my eyes for a moment, I thought that I heard someone calling my name, but I clenched my fists and convinced myself that it was only the wind. No one knew that I was here right now, or that I’d be going back to that same spot that I remember Marco to be at. His body was no longer there, of course, but the blood stains that defined where he laid were still there, yet slightly faded. Sighing softly, I turned myself and sat against the wall as though seated next to Marco, hugging my knees and hiding my face against my legs. Oh how I missed him…

There it was again. I heard something else, but this time it was a voice that didn’t seem to be directed at anyone. Followed by a crash. A crash? 

Swiftly rising to my feet, I spun around and tried to figure out where the noise was coming from, but I was a bit disoriented. Heels clicking as I moved, I gazed into every window to try to see if there was any form of life nearby. I came across an odd building. It was one of the few buildings that seemed to have no broken windows. While there were blood stains on the wall, the windows showed little stains. Stepping around, I didn’t bother knocking as I opened the door, stepping inside and looking around. 

It seemed to be a normal house, though it was strange because everything seemed to be perfectly in place—the chairs were nice and neat at the dining table, the cabinets all closed, and there wasn’t much dust from what I saw just from initial glance. My steps were slow. I was a bit afraid, but there couldn’t be anyone here, right?

Continuing on, I began to walk toward the other room, the kitchen. As I stepped into the doorway, I noticed a curled up figure with black hair. I… I knew that hair anywhere. I knew that the figure caught me from the corner of his eyes as he lifted his head and stared at me, and I was shaken. The other’s eyes widened, and I was left speechless, only to briskly stride across the room and kneel down to the male’s level.

My hand was trembling as I lifted it up to touch the other’s cheek, but I was hesitant. Was I just seeing things? Eyes widening more and shuddering, the black-haired male gently took my hand and placed it to his cheek, and I could feel that familiar warmth of dysphoric nights and keeping close in the trainee corps out of sheer terror. The freckles were all too familiar, but soon became blurry as I closed my eyes and began to sob.

“Marco… Marco…” I mumbled over and over. How could this happen? Marco died, didn’t he? Managing to open my eyes and look at him again, those adorable freckles that dotted his cheeks, my fingers gently curled against his cheek. “Jean…” he mumbled back, “I didn’t know that you were still alive.”

Closing my eyes once more, I pressed my forehead against Marco’s shoulder and felt the other lean forward into me. Breathing heavily against him, he muttered, “You didn’t know that I was still alive? I saw you dead. You were dead against—“ I stopped. I was blinded. My eyes opened and I looked back at Marco, sniffling and rubbing my eyes again. “That corpse…” I muttered, “That corpse didn’t have your freckles…” Marco gave me a gentle smile and leaned forward and press our foreheads together.

There were so many questions going through my head. Was Marco here this whole time and I didn’t know? Who was that corpse then? Is this even all true? I felt the gentle nudge of the other’s nose against mine and I opened my eyes, noticing him looking back at me and forming a small smile. “Jackass…” I muttered, pulling him into a tight hug and pressing my face against his shoulder once again, closing my eyes and feeling his warmth against me.

“Hey, Jean…” Marco muttered and I opened my eyes only to slits to glance up at him, “Hm…?”

Marco leaned up and gently pulled down the cloth mask from my mouth and placed a gentle kiss upon my lips, mumbling, “I’m sorry for making you worry…” My hands gripped his shoulders and I found myself pressing back softly into the kiss, responding almost incoherently, “I love you, Marco. You’re here. You’re alive… so shut up and just enjoy this moment with me.”

He nodded, and with my head soon pressed against his chest after moving away from the kiss I could hear the echo of his heartbeat in my ear. “You know, I love you too, Jean,” he stated, closing his eyes as my fingers curled into his shirt.


End file.
